The comment has been heard that accountants are boring! I don’t understand how that perception has grown, but just to prove that we are different you will find below a couple of extracts from the WatkinsonBlack book of jokes. If you want a copy of the whole book delivered to your computer effortlessly and free of charge then please send a request by email to info@warringtonaccountants.co.uk.
The tax inspector called on the farmer.
Taxman “Who do have working here?”
Farmer “Well, there is the tractor driver, he is on £200 a week. There is the herdsman on £250 a week. Oh, and there’s the village idiot.”
Taxman “You can’t use language like that! What does he earn?”
Farmer “Well, he works about 90 hours a week. Sometimes he gets a tenner, but frequently he doesn’t get paid a penny”
Taxman “That is appalling! Where can I find this poor fellow?”
Farmer “You are looking at him!”————————————————————-
My accountant claims to be a flagialistic necrophilliac with beastiallic tendancies, but I think he’s just flogging a dead horse……..
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An accountant, a banker and a solicitor were called in to see an important client. “I am dying and I insist on taking my money with me. So I want you each to take one of these envelopes containing £1m pounds and ensure that they are placed in my coffin just before I am buried.” They all agreed to comply, and when the client died they each placed their envelope in the coffin as requested.
Shortly after the funeral they all happened to meet one lunchtime in the local hostelry. The banker looked sheepish and admitted that as the client was a bit of a skinflint he had taken £10,000 from the envelope before putting it in the coffin. The solicitor gulped and said that he had thousands of pounds of unrecovered time on his ledger, so had taken £15,000 from the envelope to pay for some of it. The accountant looked aghast. He said “I am surprised at both of you. I put in a cheque for the full amount.”
And finally …
A man in a hot air balloon realised that he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a young woman walking a dog. He said “Excuse me, I am meant to be meeting a friend but I am completely lost. Can you tell me where I am?”
The young woman responded “You are in a hot air balloon hovering about 60 feet above the ground at latitude 40 degrees north and longitude 58 degrees west.”
The man responded “You must be in IT!”. “Well, yes I am” said the woman, “and you must be a management consultant.”
“That’s right” said the man “but how did you know that?” “Well,” the woman responded “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, but expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is that you are in exactly the same position now as when we met, but now, somehow, it’s my f****ing fault!”