It is just over a week to Budget Day, and there is nothing worse for an accountant and tax adviser than to be told that he needs to write his column for the magazine before the Budget is presented in the full knowledge that it will not be read until after the Chancellor has done his worst. Nothing can be said with certainty because only one man knows what is in that little red box, and that man is not me!
Except, almost certainly, for one thing; you will need cheering up! And what better way to do that than to share with you a few jokes from the “WatkinsonBlack Book of Jokes”. So here goes. Firstly a few about our favourite adversary:
Q: Why do scientists use tax inspectors rather than rats in laboratory experiments?
A: Because there are more of them, you cannot get attached to them, and there are some things that even rats won’t do.
Q: What’s the difference between a Doberman and a tax inspector?
A: The Doberman will eventually let go.
Q: Why did the patient having a heart transplant pick the heart of a 60 year old tax inspector rather than a 25 year marathon winner?
A: Because he knew the tax inspector’s heart was unused. And to balance things up a bit.
Q: How can you recognise an extroverted accountant?
A: He looks at your shoes when he is talking to you rather than his own.
And finally, a seasonal offering from the Christmas Edition. The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted what the general luck and overall mood of the forthcoming year would be by observing the gnu. If the gnu’s ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was young Mary’s turn to “survey” the animal and to come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo and, unfortunately, in her excitement she forgot to take the key to the cage and had to run back for it. This meant that she was late in observing the gnu. Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it turned out to be very successful and prosperous. To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later: MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNU’S EAR! I hope this has cheered you all up a bit, so have yourselves a very happy Xmas and let us all hope that the gnu’s ears are very firmly forward. Meanwhile, don’t forget that… WatkinsonBlack have considerable experience in all areas of taxation and businesss services, including providing a very costeffective payroll bureau service. If you want to arrange a noobligation initial meeting on any taxation or accounting matter then please contact us. Please note that these ideas are intended to inform rather than advise and you should always obtain professional advice before taking any action.